Who Knew Being Lazy Could Hurt So Much?

Has Thanksgiving come and gone and I missed it? Today my pants are tight and my body aches. I feel as if my entire body has atrophied. I let a lot of things go this weekend, never knowing the ramifications that I’d experience today.

Time Flies Even When You Are Not Having Fun
This weekend marked a strange anniversary, one that I never thought I’d be recognizing ever again. It was five years ago that the last person two whom I referred to as my “girlfriend” moved out and ended our relationship. Five. Years. How is it possible that I have gone five years since I’ve been in a relationship?!

I’ve always said that I was bad at small-talk and meeting women. I’ve given myself way too much credit, I’m fucking horrible at it! Forgive me if this revelation causes me to feel a little more like the loser I am.

The Amazing Race: Doofuses Get A Break
SPOILERS ENCLOSED
Oh The Amazing Race, how I love you! Since I found you I could never give you up for five years.

We begin the show seeing Dallas and Starr make googly-eyes at one another (I bet neither of them has gone five years between relationships…) while Nick and Toni play “The Graduate.” Ewww, I never should have thought of that… We also see Tina’s near lack of eyebrows scare the living shit out of me, and the Fat Frats lament leaving their shoes behind at the cow costume room (dumbasses — their costume should have consisted of two cow’s asses.)

OFF THEY GO! And then they wait at yet another airport, where the Fat Frats proceed to buy shoes! Have they never flown? Don’t they realize that the markup in airport shops is astronomical? Guess what boys, those shoes are not going to get you laid and spending that sort of cash may cost you one million dollars! Oh who am I kidding, these two don’t stand a chance of winning.

The contestants are immediately reminded of old-time comedian Yakov Smirnoff because they truly believe “In Russia cab takes you for a ride” as they haggle the cabbies for rates and then find out that these hacks don’t know their way around Russia. Apparently these cabbies all spent time working in New York City and got a better paying gig back in their homeland.

The contestants get to the easiest challenge eva, going into a church and lighting a candle in order to get their clue. Hey, whatever happened to climbing 200ft structures?

From their they have to cab it to a Russian army installation and put on a uniform and either feed seventy-five soldiers borscht or march around a square (which immediately reminds me of a Monty Python skit) and I shake my head at another ridiculously easy Detour. BUT WAIT! Apparently only one of the Fat Frats has marching band experience, while the other is completely unable to march in rhythm. I have underestimated Stan and Ollie, they are the greatest doofuses Ever To Play The Game! Unable to march, and apparently mocking the Russian Army in the process, they decide to serve borscht. And what do they do next…… ignore the clue by taking off their uniform before going the army kitchen where they realize that they are to serve borscht in uniform! BRILLIANT!

At this time it would be a no-brainer to know that the Frats would end this leg in last place if not for the fact that Nick’s and Starr’s cabbie is taking them for the ride of their life. For the first time I feel badly for the Wonder Twins and hope that their cabbie misfortune doesn’t cost them the race.

From the army base the teams go to a bakery where one of the team members has to lug fifty sacks of flour into a bakery where they are mocked by a Russian woman who looks as if she grew up as part of the Soviet Union Weightlifting Team. It’s no surprise that Dallas and Ken get through the Road Block, but I am shocked to see how well Nick handles it and even more shocked that the Frats finish it at all.

The race for suspenseful editing is on! Who will win this leg?!?! What is happening here???? Dallas and Toni finally win a leg of the race and Ken and Tina finish second. Nick and Starr gave up on their clueless cabbie and then had major difficulty finding another cab, although they walked right past one. (God it must be fucking awesome to be a cameraman when shit like this happens) And the Frats realize that they are going to have to pay the ferryman at the end of this long ride and start to sweat. In fact, I think it’s the time the Frats spent haggling with their cabbie, including trying to give away their new shoes, that costs them third place and places them in last place. Phil gives us the non-surprising news that this is not an elimination leg and spares the two turkeys in the same manner as Sarah Palin spared turkeys last week.

Thankfully because The Race afforded the Frats a stay of execution the producers of the show threw in a dance component into next week’s extra Challenge that they will have to complete. Now that should be entertaining…

ITP Flickr Pic
My lack of doing anything this weekend included taking photos. I do have some ideas however, once I can get my ass in gear and set up my studio at home.

I took some this morning but they are not up to my standards so will not be published.

Okay, Eh
I listen to a lot of strange music. One of my favorite music podcasts is called “The CBC Radio3 Podcast” from CBC Radio 3. This podcast originates from Canada (duh!) and features Canadian music that I would most likely never be exposed to otherwise.

This weekend I was listen to the podcast when the host Grant Lawrence, who was once a vocalist for the band The Smugglers, mentioned his online bio. Out of curiosity I went to the website and was surprised to read the following

Another time in Atlanta, Georgia, in a really kooky area called Little Five Points, a street vendor’s boa constrictor slithered up the payphone unbeknownst to me until its tongue flicked my ear and I completely freaked out.

Strange coincidence, eh?

Given The Exchange Rate I Think She’s 35 Canadian Years Today
I have some great friends and at least one great friend who lives in the Great White North. Tamara, doubtful ITP-reader (because Canadians don’t “get” my humor), former Atlanta resident, person who introduced me to all of my friends who are smart enough never to hash, has a birthday today.

Given that she now re-resides in Canada’s Emerald City (aka Edmonton) it’s doubtful that she’ll read this for hours, if at all.

Tamara, if you do read this have a wonderful birthday and have a beer and clamato juice for me.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Daily
Current Mood – bummed
Current Music – listening to Leo Laporte’s “The Tech Guy” podcast
Website Of The Day – More joy from Canada! TAC tv is one of the most bizarrely enjoyable video websites on teh interenets… and now it’s in English!
Mode Of Transportation To Work – my car
Exercise (b)Log – nothing

Monthly
Foot Mileage – 15 miles
Wheel Mileage – 0 miles
Consecutive Days Of Bed-Making (Longest Streak) – 1 (21)
Vegetarian Days – 16
Carnivorous Days – 7
Marta Rides – 0

Ongoing
Books To Read To Earn Kindle – 4

November Goals
1) Lose no fewer than three pounds
2) Drink no soda
3) Run no fewer than 75 miles
4) Bike no fewer than 100 miles

Cheers,
Paulie [eatl/ga]