Grrr (I Hope You Like “The Amazing Race” Recaps)

Still fighting to become a decent iOS developer. The platform is winning, but I’m not giving up yet!

Auto-Purchase Autobiography
The authorized biography of Steve Jobs was released yesterday. In a brilliant marketing move its release was sped up after Jobs’ death a few weeks ago. In a brilliant financial move by publishers Simon & Schuster the book, even in digital format, cost $16.99 to purchase.

You’d think an Apple fanboy (and stock holder) like me would have purchased the book through the iBookstore, but I made my purchase in Kindle format so that I can read it on as many devices as I own.

I read an unauthorized biography of Steves Jobs and Wozniak, which really recounted the formation of Apple, sometime in the late 1980s. I’m looking forward to using my iPad to read about the rest of Jobs’ life through this book.

RealiTV Update: The Amazing Race — In Thailand I Finally Get A Happy Ending
Alternate Title #1: Does This Elephant Make My Ass Look Big?
Alternate Title #2: Get On The Bus, Gus!

If you remember back to last week’s RealiTV Update of The Amazing Race I was screwed out of a victory dance because Team Blond On Blond were spared elimination. Apparently the CBS producers knew that two cute blond women would increase viewer ratings, and that watching them roam around Thailand with no money and then getting two free cab rides while there would cement the notion that it’s better to look good than to feel good if you want to get ahead in this world.

All teams left the last Pit Stop and by my observation Team Dude!, heretofore to be known as Team What Would Jesus Dude!, had a comfortable two-hour lead over the last team to arrive — Team Blond On Blond. All teams took a taxi to some place in the middle of nowhere and then mounted an elephant in order to ride “local transport” to reach their next Road Block. It’s at Elephant Depot that we see Team Blond On Blond’s Speed Hump Bump, a feature which is turning out to be a mere slap in the wrist with a feather when compared to the days when you were stripped of all belongings except the clothes on you. All teams rode pachyderms (yes, I had to use spellcheck) to a beautiful forest location with running water where some old dude was busking for money. At the busker’s waterfall one team member had to dive into the murky water and find their next clue. After scoffing at yet another challenge which seemed crafted for, I don’t know, surfer dudes?, I realized that the water was fairly shallow and that even Team AARP could complete this easily. With the next clue in hand each team had to smash a fourteenth century statue of a koi in order to read their next clue.

But wait! What about the Speed Bump? Team Blond On Blond are having the time of their lives because one of them (I’ll let you tell me how I was supposed to remember which) loves elephants! Shovel elephants’ shit? “I’m like a pig in shit!” squealed the midwesterners, showing their true blondness by confusing their barnyard animals. Within no time the Speed Bump was completed and the blondies were back in the game.

Into more cab-like transportation and get to the place which sells Spirit Houses, where you will dismantle one and deliver it somewhere. Anyone who has watched The Amazing Race in the past knows two things:
1 – Thou shall not travel First Class. (this is known as “foreshadowing”)
2 – If you dismantle it you shall be mantling it. (I’m not sure if “mantling” is the word that best fits there, but it sure sounds good to me.)

For some reasons unknown to this author teams on The Amazing Race have never seen an episode of The Amazing Race. And sometimes when I am certain of this, the team confounds me by reciting on of the two rules stated above.

It is with much befuddlement that I watch teams dismantle the Spirit House and then gasp in horror that when they reach their destination that they will have to construct it as it was before dismantling it. The TAR twist is that the team member who did not do the Road Block was forced to construct the Spirit House. Teams which took notes, or as in Team Sibling Rivalry’s case used their cab driver’s mobile phone to snap a photo — which seems to me would be in violation of the Rules of the Game, but wait, it’s not written above so it’s okay, did just fine reconstructing the Spirit House. Teams who did not heed Rule #2 were forced to take their taxi back to Spirit House Depot to see how the Spirit House was constructed.

As the show continued I started worrying that the scoundrels at CBS would be making this episode “To Be Continued…” but then I recalled that it started eighteen minutes late thanks to the NFL overrun and CBS’ refusal to cut out the thirty minutes of CBS cross-promotions seen during “60 Minutes” and prior to “The Amazing Race’s” start.

With the Thailand Lego houses done all teams had to head to the Bus Terminal and board a bus for the thirteen-hour ride to Bangkok. There seemed to be confusion as multiple bus lines left at different times. And when Team Around The World With 80s Dad realize that they’ve violated Rule #1 they hop off their bus and run back to the bus terminal in order to ride coach; this change in plans drops Team AWW80D down the rankings. Meanwhile Team B-Average Joe (formerly Team Round Eye / Slant Eye) don’t care about violations and, after fighting with Thai people like the ugly Americans they appeared to be, take their First Class express bus all the way to Bangkok. All teams, sans Team Blond On Blond, eventually make it to Bangkok.

Where in the world is Team Blond On Blond? Oh, their running out of money and missing their bus.

COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!

No, they are not missing their bus. They are cute blond American girls. Their bus stops and waits until their cab driver gives them a ride to it.

With all teams in Bangkok they have to manage to find Phil at the Pit Stop. More appropriately they have to manage to deal with Bangkok’s traffic nightmare in order to reach Phil. Team B-Average Joe think they are smarter than everyone else and get out of their cab to run. This costs them first place as Team Super Bowl Shuffle, and then Team AARP beats them to the Pit Stop. When Team B-Average Joe arrives at the mat I sit with bated breath and wait for Phil to enforce the penalty for violating Rule #1. But he doesn’t. I was perplexed! When Team AWW80D finally arrives Phil tells all that Rule #1 only applies to air travel. Stupid rule if you ask me.

Where in the world is Team Blond On Blond? Finally in Bangkok but penniless they start to walk to the Pit Stop — until they are told that it would take about five hours. Brokenhearted (them, not me as I picked them to get eliminated) it appears that they Race has come to an end. But wait! They are cute blond American girls. A Thai cab driver offers to drive them to the Pit Stop — for free! They may have lost their father this year, but they’ve gained the knowledge that good looks gets you places…

Finishing last and finally getting eliminated scored yours truly a victory in The Amazing Race Game. Tonight I will be thinking of a song which my fellow The Amazing Race Game players must purchase and place onto their portable music playing devices.

Stats & Goals
Daily
Current Mood – rushed
Current Music – silence
Website Of The Day – One of the sponsors of LEAF is a music service I’d never previously heard, called Jukebox Alive.
Mode Of Transportation To Work – my car
Exercise (b)Log – nothing
Morning Weigh-In – November

Monthly
Foot Mileage – ~5.5 miles
Wheel Mileage – ~16.0 miles
Pushups – 0
Situps – 0
Stairs – 13 flights

Consecutive Days Of Bed-Making (Longest Streak) – 0 (0)

Vegetarian Meals – lost count (significantly fewer than carnivorous)
Carnivorous Meals – lost count (significantly more than vegetarian)
Marta Rides To Work – 0
Bike Rides To Work – 0

October Goals
– “Completely” recover from the bike crash (though I’m beginning to this this will never happen)
– Ride my bike no fewer than 100 miles
– Not to get sick for the entire month
– Not get fired from my job
– Run at least twice
– Eat vegetarian no fewer than fifteen vegetarian meals
– Lose three pounds

2011 Goals [will be a little more fluid than in past years]
– Reduce my weight by 25 pounds based on the my weight as measured on February 1st
– Completely read the book Daily Negations which I received as a Christmas gift.
– Run Sharpened Stone as a real business — one which does not get penalized.
– Save $500 for the sole purpose of donating to charitable organizations of my choice
– Attend at least one professional photography workshop
– Enter no fewer than three photographic competitions / gallery showings
– Ride in no fewer than five 50 mile or 50K bike rides
– Run in no fewer than two one half-marathon
– Submit at least one application under the name “Sharpened Stone” to Apple’s iOS store

The Unmeasurable
– Continue backing up all data, including the off-site storage
– Become a proficient programmer in Objective-C
– Do not create a solution for something which is not a problem
– Eat smaller portions

Cheers,
Paulie [eatl/ga]