I Have A New Scale

Think I am talking about my weight? Good try, but no.

I realized that all “legitimate” reviewers had a rating scale whether it be thumbs, stars, color-coded threat levels, or whatever. What could I used to differentiate myself from the rest???

Introducing the new patent-pending, trademark-awaiting, unofficially-copyrighted Inside The Perimeter Rating Scale!!!

• 0 mph – 25 mph = traffic jam — awful
• 25 mph – 35 mph = ugh why are we moving so slowly? — it sucked
• 35 mph – 45 mph = meh, at least we are moving — fair
• 45 mph – 55 mph = going against traffic — good, could be better
• 55 mph+ = clear sailing! — fuck yeah!

Read Along With Me
Today’s passage from Notes To Myself.

When I examine my fantasies for the values they express I am surprised at the pettiness.

To all who have helped me — Thanks.

It Was The Most Anticipated Concert Of The Year!
At least for me.

Last night I went to Variety Playhouse for the Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks concert.

I arrived early, stupid early, because my dinner from Fox Bros BBQ (could-have-been warmer smoked chicken wings with awesome fried pickles) arrived so quickly. In fact, I was the third person in Variety when I entered so I sat my ass in one of the two perfect vantage points — the first section behind the pit.

John Vanderslice was the opener. I had heard much of Vanderslice’s music and, while I don’t own any, appreciate it for what it is. In fact, Vanderslice and his band rocked a lot harder than I remembered. I enjoyed his set quite a bit… wait, I mean I’d give his set a “45 mph – 55 mph”.

Malkmus & The Jicks were next up. Malkmus’ voice wasn’t up to snuff, but his guitar playing was unequaled. While I enjoyed their set, there was something missing. It felt as if I was miles away, as if their speakers were cranked to 8 instead of 10. It also didn’t help that two couples near me decided that mid-song was the perfect time to scream a conversation at one another. People. Shut. The. Fuck. Up! On the newly-minted scale I will give the show “45 mph – 55 mph”, although it was closer to the forty-five end of the scale.

The Ups And Downs Of Strangers’ Statements
As I was leaving work some guy in my office building said “You look like the stereotypical Apple employee.” I don’t know if his commentary on my long hair, beard, black Flaming Lips t-shirt, and jeans meant I looked like a programmer in Cupertino California, or that I looked like a retail employee at an Apple store.

At the concert last night one of the on-going conversation girls accidentally touched my leg and said “Oh, I’m sorry sir.” Sir? Argh! I know I look old, especially when I am at many of the concerts which I attend, but please don’t call me “sir.”

ITP Flickr Pic
Because I didn’t bring my camera to the Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks show, and I should have because I had the perfect vantage point and the show was fairly well lit, here is another from the Jonathan Coulton show I saw last Saturday night.

Truth be told, I was getting a bit frustrated with my efforts and wanted not to be disappointed with any photos I would have taken last night.

Another Reason To Hate Ticketmaster
Not that I needed another….

What are you doing April 28th? Me? Apparently I am not seeing Elvis Costello play at The Tabernacle. I received an email alerting me that the show has been postponed. Within the email there was information about obtaining a refund, including the following

Please make a copy of the tickets for your own records before returning the physical tickets in the mail. Include the name & address on the account, your Ticketmaster order number, and a daytime telephone number in case we need to reach you. Your tickets must be received in our office no later than April 9, 2008 by 3:00pm ES/DT. Ticketmaster is not responsible for tickets that are lost, stolen, or never received in our office. Please note, the $5.15 per order processing fee and any ticketFast or UPS delivery charges are non-refundable.

Note that I they have to receive the tickets within two weeks, and, that’s right, the $5.15 charge per order is non-refundable! Oh how I long for a day when I never have to deal with Ticketbastard again.

I’m Thinking Of Expanding
In a few weeks I will be doing my first camping trip of 2008. As I say every year, “This will be the year I do more camping!” To that point I am was contemplating purchasing a new, and larger, tent.

For those of you who have camped with me in the past you know that I currently sport the little two-person number seen pictured here far right and have had concerns with how well it holds up in rain storms.

As fate would have it the very tent that I was contemplating purchasing through Amazon went on sale for $60 off its $139 price tag so I purchased one. Score!

Look for me to be stylin’ and profilin’ around campgrounds throughout the Southeast this year. Because as everyone knows, size matters…

Top Cheffin’
Another episode of Top Chef is in the books and if you don’t want to know what happened…. skip ahead now.

“Would you like your taco in a flour, corn, or jicama shell?” Thanks to Richard Blais’ winning Quick Fire Challenge concoction that question can now be heard at Rick Bayless’ Mexican Fine-Dining establishment “Topolobampo” — because they stole it! With his victory Blais won immunity.

There is a reason the show is called Top Chef and not Top Vendor. That reason is because you are supposed to make culinary advances on the show, not pedestrian food. Last night’s Red Team effort of corn dogs, sliders (hamburgers), and such looked very forgettable to me. I could also say the same thing about Nikki’s horrible looking macaroni and cheese, but luckily for her she was on the winning Blue Team. Because of his soggy corn dogs Erik got the ouster and was told to pack up his knives and go. This outcome was not too surprising, and think that there was more going on (like the abomination he delivered for last night’s Quick Fire) which went into voting him out.

If I were to score last night’s episode, and I will, I’d give it a “35 mph – 45 mph.”

I Don’t Know What I Was Thinking
I am picking up my $30 Farmer’s Pick w/ Eggs from Moore Farms And Friends this afternoon. I’ll have photos, commentary, and a recap of dinner tomorrow, not today.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood – somewhat empty
Current Music – Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Be Your Own Pet — “The Kelly Affair”
Website Of The Day – The other day a new commentor “Jenny” altered me to this neat RealiTV contest website called Last 2 Left. It looks interesting to me, and I plan to jump onto the bandwagon when Hell’s Kitchen starts next week.
Exercise (b)Log – nothing, oops
Monthly Foot Mileage – 80 miles
Monthly Wheel Mileage – 0 miles
Mode Of Transportation To Work – My car
Monthly Marta Rides – 0

March Goals
1) Run no fewer than 75 miles
2) Ride Marta no fewer than ten times (five round-trips)
3) Read at least one book

Cheers,
Paulie [eatl/ga]